October

was rehabilitating baby squirrels. I let one go that only had 3 legs & I felt worried for it. I think something bad happened to it immediately, I don't remember what though

dream I was helping someone order food at a restaurant. I couldn't tell what language they were speaking, but someone called it "equinox" language, and the person was getting frustrated that they couldn't eat. I was also helping work at a place that was giving out hotdogs to unhoused folks & finally the man just got hotdog

I remember reading a list of band names written in pencil in different styles and I didn't recognize any but I remember one of them was "Corvid Conrad"

dreamt i was 1 of two sisters traveling with this really unpredictable man. we were all in our late 20s and it was the 60s. we all looked like we were in a French new wave. anyway, we're traveling and he keeps driving us to different hotels and places in his old 60s sportscar and people drive erratically and we go over this bridge and we're all yelling because we're not sure if we're in the right lane. years go by and I'm in a relationship with the wild guy and he is very sweet and fun sometimes but very distant or angry other times. it's the 70s now, my sister & i dress kind of go-go. one of the memories is of him singing a pub song and putting something silly on his head, and we danced around our hotel room. but at the end of the song he got mad and started shouting at me to get out. I walked down to the hotel lobby and my sister was walking in with a stranger who I felt distrust for. I begged her not to go to his hotel room with him and we had a fight, but eventually she came with me. time passed and it was the 80s and we were getting dressed & putting makeup on in a dressing room with a friend. we could tell it was the 80s because we could hear funkytown playing faintly though the walls. the friend leaves, my man walks in, and my sister is cold to him. we all leave the hotel together.

dreamt i was in a swimming contest through demonic waters. people's skin was being eaten off. it was underground in ancient sewers. there was a church full of children waiting at the end to see who won. a famous kickboxing lady was going to punch the stone gate open as the swimmers arrived and give first place a kiss on the cheek. the prize for winning was a folded info poster about how the Beatles had played a show in this underground cathedral. i won, the poster was not very interesting, not even enough to consider collaging.

a friend told me they loved me & I really felt it. it was a mix of relief and love. I knew they meant it in a platonic way too, they didn't have to say anything more. woke up unsure if it was dream or memory.

I remember carrying long & big wavy pasta noodles. something to do with the kids in my class.

then later r was insisting on giving away my grandma's quilt & I felt frustrated about it. i think whatever point he was making was reasonable, but i didn't feel like i could let it go & felt incredulous. (this must be symbolic of something, this isn't r's character at all in real life. I think it has to do with my internal conflict regarding wanting to devalue material possessions but having a hard time detaching sentiment)

world is bleak, people are drinking and hanging out. we go trespassing but it's a heavy police state, they raid us, and a friend gets shot. world seems as a grey baccanale, people continue to party. I'm trapped in a walled courtyard & robots start filling up the planet with little plastic pieces and it goes pitch black. I wonder if there's anything I can do but someone I'm with tells me not to worry, everything will begin again. I'm pulled from a box of Legos and I realize i am a doll being played with by a child in a dollhouse.

friend was playing a board game as a job interview but the interviewer stopped playing because they didn't trust friend. I tell friend "I trust you" & play with them but maybe they don't believe me :(

woke up with a heavy sensation of dread that has diminished since going for a run this morning but is still somewhat present. dream had to do with beck getting into his food bag and also feeling judged & shamed by coworkers (not about beck).