JANUARY 2021

jan 31 21

big dream

I lived in a big house with my coworkers M and j. j had a little beagle and I had two cats and they all got along. there was a small girl running around who was pulling pranks & we had to catch her but she ran into a shed and we heard someone screaming from inside a chest. the mom of the small girl and her grandmother ran into the shed all of a sudden & took the chest & blasted off in a rocket ship & dumped the chest into the ocean. I was following along in a jet plane but I didn't get there in time. M and I swam around trying to find her but couldn't. we ended up on a pier and then went into a big school building with a bunch of people. j rejoined us. I changed into a large green dress with a grey sweater over it. the three of us went around taking photos of people.

jan 30 21

in my dream I was on flounder making a gemlog about some of the plants I have in my room. my cat jumped onto my bed but suddenly she was someone I was friends with in high school from my queer band kids friend group. instead of typing I just started to tell him all about my plants and he told me he already knew and that he knocked them over. I looked over & it was true and then I woke up because my cat was knocking things over (not my plants, just a cup of pens)

jan 29 21

dreamt I was working on a farm with my coworkers m & j. no real plot, we were all just talking & the day was approaching dusk and we were digging in the dirt, working on a garden.

jan 29 21

boring dream, just dreamt I was pricing records at work lol

jan 28 21

in my dream I lived in an underground bunker with several hundred people. I think we thought we had to stay there. the walls were dirt and there was a long spiraling staircase.

later on in the dream I made it to the top & it turned out I was a man living in a rundown apartment. I shared the apartment with a man with long hair. we went downstairs outside and I don't remember why but we killed a man on a swingset. I won't talk about how, but we had to blend up his body later. I was in a sort of mob group so I had a lot of people telling me it would be okay but I went up to my apartment and every time I looked out the window I made eye contact with a man with bulging eyes and a round fish face. I was sure he knew. me and the other man were still cleaning up evidence with a hose. I panicked and buzzed off all my hair but the other man kept his long. I had a journal entry where I wrote about the murder that I needed to burn, but there were delivery men in the building and I didn't want to be suspicious.

jan 27 21

I was talking to these two butch older women, both with shorter grey hair. they were giving me their worldly advice and telling me the warning signs of being gaslighted. i think this is because I'm reading a book rn wherein one of the characters is being gaslit.

jan 26 21

dream: idi, mothbaby, alex, and I were hanging out because we were gonna play a game later. we're all in the same boarding house or something like that. idi's still busy (we were all doing space research earlier) and alex starts to ask us about which documentaries we've seen. we have not seen the same ones. I'm having trouble making eye contact while the three of us are talking. we're outside on an icy porch sitting and I start to get up to run and slide around. we all do this until rowen shows up & then we can start the game

jan 25 21

in this dream I was painting but I couldn't see what I was painting, just the thick up-closeness of the oil paints & their deep bold colors. I think there was a lot of yellow.

jan 24 21

dreamt i was on a team of 6 or 7 men, one old guy but mostly young men, competing in different challenges against other teams. we were winning by a lot until we got to this strange hotel & didn't hear the instructions in time and started to lose by a lot. I remember figuring out the challenge but not really being able to tell everyone how to do it very well. something to do with stacking purple discs. idr if we lost or won.

jan 23 21

this dream was again, really abstract, but at the very end I was inviting anyone who wanted to to hang up one of my shirts on the wall with sticky tack. I recommended trying to make it like a gradient, but said people could hang them wherever they wanted.

jan 21 21

all i remember is a bald man's face, similar to vin diesel and the inside of a victorian palace. creme colored walls and gold & red edges & large windows. the plots of my dreams are becoming hard to remember as of the past 4 days or so. i wonder if how strong i dream is at all related to my menstrual cycle or the moon. i started my period yesterday, i'll keep an eye out for trends.

jan 20 21

i was in the back seat of someone's vehicle & we were trying to get all these plants in sunlight while competing with others to get rid of old microwaves or something. me and my partner in this who I disliked very much, ran out of time but then they were really kind about it & told me I could keep all the plants. on my way back to my apartment I passed a store selling plants in pots the size of jacuzzis but tall and i felt grateful to already have so many plants that i didn't need to buy a plant like that

this dream had more feelings in it than coherent plot. it was frustrating, then just felt really nice

jan 19 21

forgot my dream when i woke up to say bye to rowen. i'll probably take a nap today & write one later

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morning nap dream: I was weaving many small bare twigs into a wreath. a man was asking me to recite the pledge of allegiance to him, but I kept saying I'll get to it later

jan 18 21

in my dream C.L. was driving a rig again & helping me move. I was helping direct him back into a spot near my car so we could put stuff in his trailer. more stuff happened earlier in the dream but I don't remember clearly. I should give him a call or write a letter soon.

jan 17 21

dreamt I was in a warm wooden room with windows, typing on a type-writer. rowen was asleep on a couch in the room. no plot, just felt very nice.

jan 16 21

was part of a family wanted for big crimes or something. possibly spy stuff. we were fishing and I was getting to know the dad who was really sweet but not always clear about what was going on. suddenly a huge boom hit the river and waves started rolling by, incredibly high, maybe 3 or 4 stories and more like mounds, tall skinny & rounded at the top. really grey/green/blue/yellow and gorgeous and terrifying. one of the brothers warned he almost got sucked away and lost his pole. we all scrambled back to the car & drove home. my cat & 2 dogs were in the car. we got blasted over to the side of the road by a missile. made it out and kept driving, except then I had to drive. I accidentally hit their neighbor's car and felt really bad but the dad was very cool about it. I had watered these neighbors plants before while they were out of town and they came out & were livid but I ran into the family I was with's home. suddenly, another missile hits the house directly, but doesn't blow. everyone gets to "their positions" and the mom yells "it's illegal to run, just get to your spot," but idk what that means and i run outside and down the street. the house blows up and is in shambles and I run back and they're all putting the house back together. another one of the brothers tells me dad is testing us. we do it again, I still run away, I keep failing and run away every time. I go to bed for the night and someone has bought me a new bike. (mine irl got stolen in october)

jan 15 21

i took a nap today and had another dream. in the dream, i got too h*gh and stole a usps Grumman LLV. i sobered up and realized my mistake when i saw two carriers driving around in a matris and a promaster looking for me in the neighborhood i ended up in. i hid in someone's house and also the floor of my truck, and somehow they did not catch me. i was able to drive the vehicle back to the station i got it from. i tried to sneak out and a long-haired woman was suddenly by my side, an accomplice offering support and reassurance in a soft voice. she was dressed in early 2000s club clothes, pink and orange. i guess we made it out, i think the whole station was empty and we were just in the garage.

jan 15 21

ok my dream from last night was just me getting into a fight with an old friend of mine so i don't need 2 write it all down. it was frustrating because they misinterpreted every single thing I said. it's a common theme from the dream i had yesterday– maybe I am not feeling like a great communicator or that I'm not having enough meaningful conversations in my life.

I think I'm gonna log every dream in January & then just log the interesting ones from february on out.

jan 14 21

dream: walking around a big indoor town? this is one of my first dreams where everyone has masks on, including myself. alex is there. we start waking around with a person who says she's his mom but then we split up. he keeps telling me riddles or jokes maybe but I'm having a hard time understanding so I keep saying things back that don't make sense. it's not frustrating though, it's kind of fun. finally he quotes joni Mitchell to me and I say "I know that one, it's a joni Mitchell song." we hop on a golf cart and go find his mom & then I say farewell & leave to go find mothbaby and idi.

both of them & myself find the kirksville band American Basswood + some of the folks who used to hang at the punk house and we played tag. I ran too far & ended up in a gym where a basketball game was taking place and saw a lady fall and re-break her leg. she already had a leg brace on so it was a lot of pain for her, but she was mostly upset about not being able to play anymore. I told her I'd help her find a new hobby.

jan 13 21

i was sharing a room with mothbaby in a large old boarding house. they went home to visit family or perhaps they just got out of town for a while and i had the room to myself. in the morning I woke up and gave birth to an egg and didn't know what to do so I piled up some sand in the bathroom and kept it there. later, I made a new friend & invited him to sleep over in mothbaby's bed, but when we got there, there were insects everywhere, mostly spiders. the egg i birthed had hatched them, and also one enormous frog/insect creature that had been half eaten and left in my bed by the others. this horrified me and my new friend. he left and I started panicking. mothbaby returned and was disappointed in me and that hurt a lot, but we both ended up moving out because we didn't know how to fix the situation.

we went outside and it was nighttime, dark purple sky with stars, and we both floated down the valley.

jan 12 21

what i remember is–walking through a big maze. people doing skits along the way. trying to convince a grandmother not to leave.

then I ended up in a huge basement below the maze. grungey old aquadome carpet like we ripped out. I was just walking around looking at stuff when I realized I had some tools & built doorways into 2 other rooms. a kitten appeared & got stuck in a hammock. her large mother came out of the left door & let me say hello and pet her long white & black spots fur

jan 11 21

I had a huge dream but I stopped remembering it when I woke up because my mind started repeating the phrase "rain soaks into the trees like milk" really loud & made me forget what I was dreaming about. I don't think it had anything to do with the dream.

jan 10 21

sports arena. something rigged, people finding out. someone tried to bribe me with a box of chocolate. a lot of people are angry, but i just walk out to stay out of it. it's nighttime and most of this was in this sort of sod-bunker. half underground, half out.

jan 9 21

huge rafting journey through the American west in a tent. many difficulties along the way. saying goodbye to my mom & younger sisters (fake). moving all my stuff to somewhere, I don't really remember why. had to make it through a huge alien water gate that was kind of fun but took me several tries because I had to get the timing right with the waves & closing walls.

jan 8 21

i had a dream I was being taken to meet many different families. I went along on vacation with one (mom & 2 kids) to this castle. we had to fight off some people? spirits? there but then a "step dad" appeared & tried to kill the mother so I tried to kill him but failed & another man in a suit appeared & did it for me. i think the "killing" was just playing tag though & when he touched him, the step dad vanished. this dream was a little harder to remember details for, I just remember big open buildings, castles, maybe a big mall & a train to get there

jan 7 21

dreamt I was in a big high school with weird vaulted ceilings and there was a dark sepia feel to the dream. I brought along someone's German shepherd I had to watch over but during an English test I stopped paying attention and he ran off. I went to go find him and wandered around peoples classes, gym class, etc. finally found him in wood shop & was freaking out because it is a dangerous place for a dog to be, but then he followed me back home.

later in the dream, I was graduating & so were treeprophet and mothbaby. I was considering wearing a large purple, pink  and blue taffeta gown (lol) but ended up wearing jeans and a flannel. we arrived outside the ceremony & i accidentally wrote my name down to give a speech & was feeling nervous but realized it didn't matter to me anyway. my friend N. was sitting in a lawn chair next to some trees so I sat in the chair with him & talked about how cool the trees were but we wished there were more pine trees in missouri.  then we looked down at some neat "hopping ants" & some termites and these big ol round spiders. he told me he felt like he was my older brother & I agreed. then we all walked into the ceremony & I sat down with mothbaby & treeprophet & the dream ended.

jan 6 21

moved into a college dorm because i started grad school. it was really big and labyrinthine, white and gold everywhere. a lot of dorm rooms connected by balconies over common spaces. i was given an arrow key to open any door after i'd lost my room key several times. i was in line for something later, a class maybe? and a kid I hated from high school was there. he kept leaning up close against me after I told him not to twice so I yelled at him. i said

"if you keep doing that, i'm gonna lose it." i wanted to hit him but instead i ran off and walked with a new friend of mine to his class. i tried to go back to my room but got lost & ended up in the boys-only dorms instead of co-ed. it smelled bad so I started to cry & just kept wandering. this is the first time i can remember getting really angry in a dream. i am not really someone who ever tends toward rage, so it was weird to wake up still kind of feeling that distress.

jan 5 21

i was in a troupe of people robbing rich houses. I tried to talk another friend into this big hit, they were hesitant. a lot of conversations in this dream happened, but I have a hard time remembering specifics from most of them.

jan 4 2021

had a dream that I had a friend that quit rehab for an alcohol problem & I was trying to convince them to go back. I wonder if this has to do with feeling like I'm out of the swing of things, being newly unemployed. (side note, I dream every night & haven't decided if I wanna journal them all here or just ones that feel important)

jan 3 2021

i dreamt i was heating a bowl over a fire or maybe coals. with bare hands i took the bowl up to my head and used the edge to burn off chunks of hair like you would with scissors. afterwards i felt good but I also felt shame & didn't want others to know or tell that I'd cut my hair